Over the past several days, I have been reflecting on the demands for money placed on the average-earning Kenyan. It would appear like the average Kenyan was never created to enjoy the fruits of the sweat from his/her brow.
If my experience is a true representation of the reality among the majority of Kenyans, it is very easy to find yourself spending between 30 -45% of your income on the financial burdens of others not directly in your line of responsibility to provide. Unfortunately, many of these burdens are occasioned by folks who refuse to take charge of their finances or who imagine their other family members and society owe them their existence.
Far from it, as I have consistently postulated on these pages, the divine order of nature for any living creature is to learn to feed for themselves the moment they attain a certain age in life. For domestic and wild animals, that happens only months after birth. However, human civility extends that period to between 16-18 years for most societies. After attaining this age of majority, then it becomes your singular responsibility to chart your path towards money and wealth.
Even while at school, from this age it is expected that a person must start getting a level of autonomy from 100% dependency on their parents. This can come with better planning of the pocket money one receives from their parents or engaging in small-time economic activities to supplement what parents give as pocket money or subsistence. Ideally, by age 24/25, the average person must have attained financial autonomy by taking full charge of their financial responsibilities.
That notwithstanding, the realities of the Kenyan society we live in today is that it leans on a heavy dependency syndrome where folks would even go the extra mile to defraud you the moment they notice your generosity and extend empathy to somebody in need. Have you ever realized how everyone rushes to add you into all manner of WhatsApp groups the moment they see you give money somewhere or generously contribute to an event? At times you find your name in Harambee cards without your consent or strangers inviting you to their fundraising events.
While it is true that the hand that gives is highly blessed, one must be able to draw a line between healthy giving and being financially defrauded. Giving is part of the mysteries of making money and creating wealth that nobody has ever understood, but there are rules to giving.
Here I share some rules of the thump to give responsibly and protect yourself from financial parasites:
- Identify a few worthy courses you may want to give and establish eligibility criteria for you to give – one can easily borrow a leaf from the world’s biggest donors like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and other billionaires or foundations. They select a very narrow area of interest, set what they wish to donate and establish clear rules of how to access their money. In as far as possible, they never get directly involved in selecting beneficiaries and you can never benefit from their giving if you do not fit in the criteria set. The rules are usually black and white with no middle ground, yet they have made a lot of difference to thousands of people’s lives;
- Define clear limits to what to give each month or in a year – this frees you from impulse giving and helps evaluate carefully where you put your money. Trust me, not every giving brings blessings. For instance, if you are giving money to a fraudster or opportunist just taking advantage of your generosity, how will that unlock the blessings of giving?
- Remove your emotions from it and only deal with the facts – many of us lose money out of emotional appeals as opposed to genuine needs. That is why setting rules for your giving becomes very important;
- Never loan or give credit to people you have no personal relation with on money terms – it is very common to have friends, colleagues, family and sometimes acquittances seek bailouts from you. However, it is one thing having this relationship, but a completely different ball game when it comes to money matters. Never give more than you are willing to lose to people you do not have a deeper understanding of their money matters. If you must give to such people, only give what you are willing and ready to lose if they don’t pay back;
- Accept you cannot solve everybody’s money problems – given a chance, all of us want free or easy money. Unfortunately, the world offers no such easy routes towards money. Whether dealing with family matters, religion, community or even the government itself, no one in history has ever been able to solve the needs, desires and greed for money of any other person. You are not going to be the first -that is why when you give, you find the same folks you helped keep coming for more each other time.
My concluding thought is that no one has ever solved someone else’s desire for money, you are not going to be the first. Give only what you can when you can; do not accept invitations to guilty trips of not giving on what you are not persuaded is worthy or out of pity or emotions or simply the family card is thrown at you. Ultimately, your money is your money and no one else’s -it is your sole prerogative to choose how to enjoy and give back to society and no one else’s. Let them choose how to deal with their money and not yours if need be!